Came across this interesting article about whys of women not enough interested in tech story. If you can tolerate the numerous I-s and me-s in the first four paragraph, there are interesting things in it. Its a long article but the gist of it is:
Men are generally very good at ignoring bad behavior.
This is both a blessing and a curse. In my most recent office environment, we had situations where a male colleague’s behavior was abrasive in one of these three ways mentioned. “That sucks, doesn’t it?” I asked another male colleague. “Yeah, but I just ignore it. That’s just the way he is. He is always like that” He responded. This is what I’ve seen as the general male way of coping with this poor communication style.
It’s a blessing that many men can ignore it, in the sense that most men do not get caught up in deep analysis of why this person said a specific thing, and what this person could have really meant, etc. When almost everything is taken at face value, and not over analyzed, the ability to ignore communication issues makes it is easier to resolve the simple issues, and move on. I have seen some women in office environments do the over analysis, and take offense when there never was one given. I don’t see men do this very often, and it makes communication quicker and easier.
Ignoring communication issues is also a curse because one obnoxious person is allowed complete freedom to make excessive noise, be rude and disruptive, or explicitly offensive. Most men, online or in the office, will ignore it. Most women will notice it but not say or do anything about it, for a variety of reasons which are tangential to this article. The offender often thrives on the fact that no one told them to stop, so they continue. Sometimes the offender is not socially adept enough to pick up on the fact that ignoring implies intolerance at some level. They somehow missed the message most three year olds learn: “I’m ignoring you because I don’t like your behavior”, so they continue the intolerable behavior.
This is so prevalent in online tech communities that it is the primary reason why many women do not participate. The poor communication and behavior of even one boorish, ego-driven, elitist, socially inept geek is just simply intolerable for most women. Women generally tend to assume that everyone will be conscious of and annoyed by this behavior. Men tend to assume that everyone will ignore it. This causes problems in offices as well as in online communities, where women will complain about such behavior, and men will issue responses such as “toughen-up”, or “what’s the big deal?”, because this is how they cope with the problem. A female-friendly group addresses and tries to resolve these issues, while the average group ignores it until/unless the person does something heinous.
Well said. I have only this thing to add, if you see a guy cracks a joke on you and people are smiling, it has got little with you and more with the smartness/dumbness of what has been said. You can say he was insensitive, or others should have help, but in this situation, you are only the context. Also every time you say/think the words I/me/my, imagine a virtual beep, and try to avoid it, as it can only be either of boasting, or of over analysis.
In the article:
Apparently there are males online, in tech communities, who still believe that, like the cigar rooms of the Victorian Era, tech rooms should be male-only. Back then, the predominant purpose of smoking cigars in a common room was to have male-only space, and similarly today, the purpose of the demeaning and fight-provoking attempts is to maintain the male-only presence of some online tech spaces. I know for a fact this happens with intent in some online chat rooms and message boards. It is not simply an act of oblivion, but a concentrated, misogynistic effort between like-minded men to keep women out.
This can not be further from truth. Its just I-me-over analysis speaking.
Bottom line is this: technical field is all about technical correctness. Computers/electrical circuits/engines/airplanes dont' understand tone, they understand correctness. If you want to succeed in technical field, you will have to learn to ignore what does not matter(emotions), and focus on what does(technology and correctness). Think if they are right or wrong, not of the manner in which they communicated.
Emotion is the way to the dark side, blind you it will.